I spent five years at Miami being invisible to guys. I mean, sure, they talked to me in classes and worked with me on projects, but I somehow deterred all of them from flirting or asking me out. It worked out wonderfully.
For some reason, this anti-charm hasn't been working as well in Berlin. I get stopped on the sidewalk and on the U-Bahn on a semi-regular basis... and I don't think I'm doing anything differently. I guess my clothes are slightly nicer than my hoodie and gymnastics T-shirt uniform in college, but I'm not exactly dressing up and primping in front of the mirror before heading out to teach. In fact, it's a good day if I have enough time to throw on moisturizer and concealer before running out the door. (I hit my snooze button way too much for my own good.)
I don't have a lot of things to talk about because I'm just getting back into the swing of things, so I thought I'd write about my most awkward experience with a German guy. Unfortunately, I have multiple stories, but this one definitely wins.
During my first week in Berlin, I spent a lot of time apartment hunting. Around my 6th interview at an apartment, a guy stopped me outside the U-Bahn station and said that he would like to get to know me because I'm very pretty. Whatever. Thanks, I guess. We shook hands and talked while we were waiting for the U-Bahn. Then he tried to insist on showing me his room; he told me I could move in that day so I wouldn't have to keep looking for an apartment. By that point, I was pulling all of the turn-off-guy tricks in my book, and said, "No, I already have friends in Berlin, and I can stay with them." Most people would get the hint, right? He didn't.
After that, I resorted to giving one-word answers, but he thought it was a comprehension issue. I refused to make eye contact and started edging away from him (we were sitting on the U-Bahn by then), and he patted me on the shoulder and told me that I was very polite. He asked me about my friends, and I took advantage of the "Freund" translation (it can mean 'friend' or 'boyfriend'): "Yeah, I have a boyfriend. His name is Alex. He's in law school. We've been together for two years, and I think we're going to get married." (Don't laugh. I was getting desperate.) And then he laughed and said that he could be my boyfriend in Germany, and Alex could be my boyfriend in the US. After all, he has this thing for Asian women. For anyone romantically challenged who may be reading this, let me tell you that those two sentences are really effective libido busters (not like I had any intention of going out with him in the first place). By then, I was sick of trying to drop not-so-subtle hints and just blurted out, "I have no interest for you." (My German gets worse when I'm stressed out.) Then, he pulled the race card and said that I had probably never met a Black person before. WHAAAAT? Don't worry, I let him know that about 45% of the students at my high school were Black and that he was really creepy.
Lesson learned: I need to be more aggressive when turning down guys. Or, better yet, they could stop being creepers.
Another lesson learned: Germans blame many forms of blatant rudeness on translation issues... even if your German comprehension is pretty much at a near-native level. I could use this to my advantage and become a total jerk in Deutschland... or I could just figure out how to turn down guys more effectively auf Deutsch.
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